Dating Life Update- READY, GO!

So we sort of dropped the ball on updating you all on the goings on of our dating lives, so here’s the short and the long of what you’ve missed in the last month.

Not long after I went out with the Marine, I went out with this nice, Indian man. We went to lunch and played some air hockey and saw Jurassic Park in 3D. Overall, it was a lovely day, but we didn’t really have much in common. At the end of the date, he hugged me and said “So we’ll get in touch.” Whatever that means. I didn’t end up seeing him again.

Marie ended up breaking up with the guy she was dating. I forget what we’ve been calling him. Let’s call him X. X was a total sketch ball, though most days, I don’t think Marie would admit it. He would give her lame excuses claiming he’d been called back into the office in the middle of the night when he works a perfectly normal job with normal hours not requiring uprooting in the middle of the night.

Anyway, it took her zero minutes to find a replacement for X. A couple of nights after the breakup, we were at a bar, and she met her one, true love, or so he thinks. We’ll call him Andy. Andy is an adorable little hipster who dresses impeccably well and is a mathematician.

In between meeting Andy, Marie also had brief encounters with a Canadian and a European. The Canadian lives in Canada, but is often in town for work and is very well-traveled. While in town, he wanted to take Marie to dinner, but upon arriving at the restaurant, he fell very ill and left without even taking his food. It was incredibly awkward, but he was undeterred. He invited Marie to attend a baseball game the next night, which is really not her thing, so she declined. Eventually they found some common ground and agreed to meet up for drinks. He was very cute and speaks about a million languages, but nothing really came of this interaction. Marie decided she’d rather just be friends with him, which is perfect, because we’re in this whole “diversifying our friends group” stage right now.

As for the European guy, he just turned out to be a giant ass. He was actually supposed to meet up with us the night we met Andy, but never showed up. He kept texting Marie telling her he was on his way, and then several hours later, he still wasn’t there, so I told her to cut that cord and be done with it. Luckily, it all worked out.

For the past month, I’ve been receiving messages from an older man (43), about four messages, and one night, Marie decided to reply to him on my behalf. The messages he was sending weren’t sexual in nature; they were just him telling me about himself and his work and asking about me. He’s in town over long periods of time, but he’s not here permanently. He wants to take me on theme dates where we’d get dressed up like Bond characters and go to dinner and casinos and watch movies. He wants to take me to lunches and to days at plantations. He says he wants to make all my dreams come true. He says he only wants a platonic friendship. I’m terrified, and I’m not optimistic of this. I haven’t replied to him, but as I mentioned before, after the first message came, Marie did reply. She said I’d love to learn more about his work and to have all these wonderful dates with him, so now this poor guy thinks I’m stringing him along. I’m going to send him an email and answer some of his questions and try to find a nice way to let him down. Also, he’s an archeologist. How cool is that?

So that brings us to Tom. The night after Marie met Andy, she and I decided it would be a good idea if we both got to know the guys we were currently talking to in a low-key, low-pressure setting, so we invited Tom and Andy, and our friend John for good measure, to have dinner and patio drink at a funky little Mexican restaurant. They both agreed, and dinner went really well, though it lasted forever (over four hours to be precise). Afterward, we all went back to my house to hang out and watch a movie, though I slept through it. I apologized to Tom for falling asleep the next day, and he was so sweet about it. He really is just always nice. He always wants to know how my day is going and what I’m doing. I’m trying really hard, at the persuasion of my friends, to be more interested in him and to care more. I think we’re going to go out again this week. He’s cute and sweet and smart, and I really should care… He’s in law school, about to graduate, did I mention that?

UPDATE: I attempted to be proactive on the Tom front this evening by asking him to go see the new Iron Man movie. For some reason unbeknownst to me, he spends quite a bit of time at his dad’s house for a grown man. He’s been there I think four times in the last week. So I texted him this afternoon to extend said invitation. He didn’t respond for several hours, and when he did, he tells me he’s going to be at his dad’s house until late in the evening and asks if it’ll be too late to go afterward. Being that I am more of an early to bed, early to rise kind of person, I can’t usually see super late movies or things like that during the week, so I declined citing my reasons. He waited another hour or two to respond just saying “Dang, well maybe some other day.” WTF?! I can’t seem to win for losing with him.

Anyway, that pretty much brings you up to date on our dating lives… This may or may not be the last post depending on if anything earth shatteringly interesting happens between now and the closing date of May 15th. If it is, it has been a real blast. Marie and I have both gotten so much more out of this project than either of us expected we would, and we want to thank each of you for taking the time to read about our blunders and share in our experiences. The retelling of our stories makes each misstep worth it. I know, for me, this has been especially challenging, because I pushed so many comfort barriers to participate in this project. I can’t say I’ll maintain the once-a-week dating routine, though I wasn’t all that great at it to begin with, but I can say I’ll be much more comfortable in my own skin when dating in general now.

Thanks for being a wonderful part of our lives for the last three months!



So I hear you’ve got a hot date…

Last night, I went on a date with a religious, gun-loving ex-marine who believes that homosexuality is a sin. Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I usually run screaming in the other direction at the mention of even one of those attributes, yet for some reason, I agreed to go on a date with a man who embodies all of these. In fact, he was so bold that I agreed to go out with him after only a relatively brief conversation.

Our date was for dinner and possibly for drinks afterward. He suggested the whole thing, and I recommended we play drinks by ear and just see how the night went. On my way, I got a text message from him saying, “So I hear you’ve got a hot date” to which I replied “Who’d you hear that from?” and he says “People talk”, so I replied, “I see”. I arrived at the restaurant, and he was waiting outside for me. He was not at all what I was expecting, though I’m not sure why. He was rather short, about 5’6” or so, and fairly stocky. And did I mention he had no hair? He razors his head.

So we ordered food, and he started talking. And he never stopped. He talked for an hour and 20 minutes straight. He talked about his time in the Marines, and the friends he made in the Marines. He talked about how he’s how the godfather to two girls whose father he met in the Marines. He told me a story about how there was once a swine flu epidemic on his boat when he was in the Marines, and he thought he caught it because he couldn’t stop throwing up, but he really just had food poisoning. Yes, he talked about throwing up profusely for a good five minutes, while I was eating, all while talking about his time in the Marines. Everything he said somehow related back to his time in the Marines. At one point, he stopped mid-conversation to apologize for apparently not paying enough attention to me, which I hadn’t noticed, because when he was in the Marines, he was taught not to focus too long on one thing. I got up from the table three times during the meal just to get a break; I went to fetch a straw or more water or a to-go box. The last one he wouldn’t let me get myself. He insisted on getting it for me, which was kind of him, and also gave me a longer break from the talking.

He returns to the table with my box and hovers as I place the remaining half of my sandwich in the much-too-large box. He asks if he’s passed the test and I’ll have drinks with him now. I declined to have drinks saying I had to get up early in the morning, but not wanting to be rude, I agreed to frozen yogurt, even though I’m allergic. As I’m walking up to the frozen yogurt place, he walks up behind me and grabs me and then continues walking that way, holding on to my waist. This catches me off-guard, but I let it go as he commences to talk again. This time, ironically, he’s talking about how he learned the importance of never sneaking up on a girl from behind, because when he was in college, there was a serial killer at large and sneaking up on a person would get you maced. We ate our yogurt and he talked some more. He told me about his family and his previous long-distance relationships that didn’t work out and his past and how his sister is a nurse and when he was in high school she would use things she learned in nursing school to dissuade him from having intercourse. YES, he used the word intercourse on the date.

The yogurt shop was closing and the one worker came out and politely collected our trash, nudging us to be on our way. Thankfully, he was quick to take a hint saying that he wanted me to be able to get enough sleep. He really was sweet; he just talked incessantly and somehow managed to make every conversation relate back to the Marines. It’s not like he’s a career Marine either, because that would be different, though the conversation would still be annoying. He was only in the Marines for four years. I went to college for four years and have great friends and memories from that time, but I wouldn’t dare spend two hours talking to a near stranger about only that and finding ways to always bring the conversation back around to it. So finally we’re leaving the yogurt shop and he’s walking me to my car because he says he doesn’t want me to get kidnapped and then goes on about how awkward that would be if that happened and he were to be questioned by the police if I were kidnapped on our first date. I get to my car and get inside my car, putting a door between us, but before I can shut the door, he wedges himself between my open door and the neighboring car to give me a hug and tell me how great he thought the night went. I thanked him and left.

He texted me later in the evening to tell me again how great of a time he had, and I replied this morning that I had fun also, which is sort of a lie seeing as I was bored out of my mind. I don’t want to write him off completely, and I’m trying not to. There was nothing wrong with him exactly. He was perfectly nice and very sweet. He just talked too much about the same thing, and at our cores, we are completely different, but other than that it’s fine. But shouldn’t you be in a relationship with a person that, at least on the big stuff, you can agree with and relate to? I don’t know… I think so. I’m not counting him off completely just yet, but I’m thinking I’m just going to let things play out and see where they go. Any advice?


Over-thinking ruins you…

“Over-thinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.”- Frank Ocean

So I got this in a text from Nina yesterday, and it’s the most perfect quote ever for me right now. I have been seeing Bob (I think that’s what I named him in the first blog post?) He’s the one met on the online dating site and had such a great first date with. Well you see, Bob is very busy, and I require lots of attention. I need to be validated and told that I am liked/loved. This needy behavior also leads me to over think things. A LOT. So long story short, I just wasn’t feeling like Bob was that into me, although he has told me numerous times, and Nina reassured me as well. I guess it’s just hard for me to wrap my head around the fact the world doesn’t revolve around me, and people actually have lives and hobbies. As horrible and selfish as that sounds, it’s the truth. I blame my parents, my sweet parents, who live under a GIANT rock and spoiled me endlessly growing up.

After I received the quote from Nina, I decided that things needed to change. I was literally making myself miserable over something which I had no control. So for the rest of the day, I stopped compulsively checking my phone to see if he texted me, concentrated really hard on work, and went through the afternoon without a hitch. Around 10:30, I was in bed watching TV, completely okay with the fact I wasn’t going to talk to him this evening. Then I got a text. It’s from him, and it says “so are you seeing anyone else?” My jaw dropped. I wasn’t even sure what he meant, so I asked. He replied saying he really liked me and liked being with me, and he just wanted to make sure we were on the same monogamous page. I told him yes, he is the only person I’m seeing, and since he feels that way, I was going to make sure he was the only person I was seeing. So I guess it’s official? And I think I’m much happier about the fact he confirmed his feelings for me more than anything. No more over-thinking for this girl….


First dates on holidays are always more interesting, don’t you agree?

First dates on holidays are always more interesting, just for sheer fact that people watching is better. I went on a date on St. Patrick’s Day. Well, it was sort of a date. Marie has been trying to get me to go out with her cousin for a couple of months now, but he works out of state and is only in town one weekend a month or something like that. Marie texted me late Saturday afternoon telling me he was in town for the weekend and asked if I wanted to go grab a drink that evening. I wasn’t really feeling it as it was pretty late notice, and I discovered Netflix’s series “House of Cards” the day before. I said yes out of a sense of obligation since I knew he was only in town for a short time and had been looking forward to getting together. We met up at one of my favorite bars, but it was completely transformed for the holiday.

I don’t know why, but I was surprised to be surrounded by a sea of green and filth, in a place that I usually associate with fair amount of cleanliness and calm, for a bar. Marie and I proceeded to the bar and ordered drinks, as our shoes stuck to the floor. We then found her cousin, who had run into some friends while awaiting our arrival, so we joined their group, breaking off into two smaller groups.

I talked to “cousin” on and off throughout the night, and we had group conversation, but mostly Marie and I talked. We were also very engaged in the shit show that was happening around us. A few feet away from where we were seated, a couple stood swaying and dancing, when all of a sudden, they topple over. They both fall to the ground, and the girl smacks her head on the concrete floor. A few seconds later, the girl sits up, blank-faced, and then several people race over to check on her and help them up. Our view of the fall was obstructed by other people, but I did see her head hit the ground. We learned they fell because her boyfriend decided to dip her while they were dancing, but they were both too drunk to maintain balance.

For a little while, the couple tried to go back to business as usual, drinking and dancing some more, but eventually they decided to leave. The couple was stopped at the door by the bouncer for fear of liability, and the police and ambulances were called, since the girl was BLEEDING FROM HER HEAD! And no one with her seemed to notice until the bouncer pointed it out. Ambulances and paramedics came and stitched up her head; police filed an incident report, taking statements from patrons in the bar, asking for reenactments and demonstrations. People stood at the windows watching as this all unfolded, reporting back to their friends. We just sat at our table calmly, though Marie desperately wanted to press her nose to the window. From where we sat, we had a perfect view of the action outside. We could see the goings on with the police and paramedics trying to manage the bleeding girl and her gaggle of drunk and disorderly friends. We could also see a couple who managed to carry on a heavy make out session just feet away from the bloody scene and the cops without ever breaking character.

After all is said and done, I don’t really remember very much about the actual date, but I remember every detail about the happenings around the date. I don’t know… I might have met my future husband that night, but I was too preoccupied by blank-staring drunk girls to really notice.


A bit of a dilemma and a good meet cute

Last night I met Marie’s non-boyfriend, as she referenced in her previous post, officially. We had actually met several times in one evening a few weeks before, but he was very drunk and didn’t remember much of anything from that night, let alone meeting me at any point. That’s alright; our official meet cute could not have been better if we’d planned it, which was the best part. Out of nowhere, he just appeared at the bar where we were, and I literally ran into him coming out of the bathroom, while Marie and I were having a discussion about him. Pure kismet. Anyway, we said hello and I introduced myself to him for the eighth or so time now, but I told him that this was our official meet cute, and he really liked that. I love anyone who appreciates a good film reference, and he certainly seemed to take to it. He’s a doll. I guess we’ll see how long Marie decides to keep him around.

On another note, I have a bit of a dilemma, and I could use a bit of guidance. I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now, and he’s really nice; very smart, a little weird. He’s gotten seemingly weirder in the last few days, communicating mainly in YouTube links. I’m sorry, but does that even count as communication? For a while, we would have these really great conversations, but that has seemed to dwindle recently. I’ve been suggesting that we finally meet, for a couple of weeks now, but every time I bring it up, he avoids or has an excuse or just flat out tells me he doesn’t want to. He’s made no effort to meet me, and I’m losing what little patience I possess. I asked two weeks ago or so if he wanted to see a film playing at a local playhouse/ theatre, and he was like “oh, I’ll see, maybe, if I’m not too tired”. Vague answers, non-committal. Earlier this week, I invited him to come out with us for last night. He insisted on playing this absurd, week-long game of cat-and-mouse where he avoided and wouldn’t give me a straight answer and would say things like, “Oh that’s far, and it will be late, and I won’t be able to drink, because I have to drive home”. Finally, before we left to go out, I got a message from him confirming, but not actually confirming, that he wasn’t going to be joining us for the evening. And he did so by playing a really shitty card thinking that he could guilt trip me into feeling sorry for him and his excuses, but really it just made me irritated that he would do that. He keeps telling me how interested he is in me, but yet he’s made no effort to meet me.

I’m pretty annoyed, and it takes me a good while for me to get to the point where I just wash my hands of any situation, but I’m thinking I might be there. That’s sort of my feeling as of now, but second and third opinions are always appreciated! What do you all think I should do? Am I just wasting my time on this one?


“We’re Going to be Friends” or not.

As Marie previously touched on, she found herself in a bit of a debacle yesterday. I just cued up my Pandora to write this blog post, and the song that started playing is none other than “We’re Going to be Friends” by The White Stripes. The song goes:

“And when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet

That you and I will walk together again

 I can tell that we are going to be friends”

 The irony of this song should fully sink in as I proceed.

Last week, Marie mentioned a doctor to whom she’d been talking and how she actually thought we would have a lot more in common with each other than she and he would. I didn’t think anything of this at the time. Yesterday, late morning, Marie called and told me she made a coffee date with said doctor, and that she thought I should take the date in her stead.

After a little coaxing, I agreed to go on the date in her place. In true Nina fashion, I spent the next several hours having mini-panic attacks, because I was about to go on a truly blind date for the first time and I was about to ambush this guy. It was decided we would not tell him I was going in Marie’s stead for fear of he might not take to the switch very well.

It was agreed the date would take place at a local coffee house at 2:30. He arrived at 2:15 and texted Marie to tell her it was overcrowded, and we’d need to sit outside. She suggested we meet at a gelato shop down the street, and she texted me with the change. He let her know he was waiting for her on a bench outside, and she relayed to me. I parked and walked across the street to embrace the awkward.

He was waiting on the bench like he said, and luckily no one else was around. Also, he was adorable, everything about him, from his face to his aviators to his grosgrain navy blue tie with white polka dots to his army green buttoned cardigan and his blazer. I approached cautiously and began trying to explain myself. “Hi, are you John? I’m Nina. Marie called me this morning and said she thinks we have a lot in common and we really needed to meet each other. I know this is strange and unorthodox, and I don’t usually do things like this, but Marie can be very persuasive. You seem really nice. I know this is weird.” A complete look of overwhelming panic spreads over his face. John replies, “So I’ve been talking to you this whole time?” To which I answer, “No, that was Marie. It’s been Marie the whole time. She just really thought we would get along well and should meet each other”. So he says, “This is really disheartening. I feel like I’ve been lied to. You seem really nice, but I can’t see myself having an honest conversation with you in this state of mind”. To that I replied, “I completely understand where you’re coming from, and if you want to leave, I won’t be offended.” At that point, he told me it was nice to meet me, and he got up and walked away.

We obviously are not going to be friends. I called Marie and told her what happened. I then told her she needed to apologize to him for what happened, because I felt so bad for the situation we put him in. She immediately did, but he wasn’t really interested in her apologies. He was hurt and very upset by the whole situation. I felt and still feel awful about my part in whatever pain we’ve caused him. I told Marie yesterday after the fact, I felt like we had catfished him. She told me that was probably a little extreme, and I’m sure she’s right. I just hate the fact that I upset a stranger to that degree, and there’s nothing I can do to make it right.


I think I’ve broken a rule…. or several?

Happy Sunday, everyone!

I’m writing this post today to share with you several rules I have broken. First of all, the guy I met last week (let’s call him Bob) is a sweetheart. Bob and I have hung out several times since our first date, which breaks the rule of “You must not go out with the same guy consecutively.” My bad. And then, there’s the whole sleeping over at his house this weekend. Not quite sure if that counts as breaking a rule, but I felt like I should divulge anyway. 

So, back to Bob. I think I might like him. He told me he liked me over the weekend, while we were in bed, to which I responded “Mmhmm”. I feel kind of bad about the way I responded and really want him to know I like him as well. He’s so different from anyone I’ve ever dated before, and I find myself thinking about him. A lot. It’s crazy to think I’ve only known him for 2 weeks. 

With all of the above being said, I had set up a coffee date a while ago with another guy I had met from the aforementioned dating site. I was stuck with the decision of whether or not I should go, and if it was even appropriate for me to go, since Bob and I seemed to be hitting it off so well. That’s where the lovely Nina comes in. Stay tuned to find out how we resolved the issue! 


Me: Let’s meet at 7. Him: 7:05.

Last night I went out with a really nice guy. I had a few reservations before our date, because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. But overall, I really wasn’t nervous, and I was even looking forward to it. Ironically, I’m texting a different guy as I’m writing this. Oh, the tangled web of casual dating. Anyway, I’ll start from the pre-beginning and give you all the details I’m sure you’re dying to hear.

I’ve been talking to this guy, let’s call him Mark, for about a week now. He seems really nice if not a wee bit bossy/ dominating, but nothing really alarming. So Tuesday night, he texts me saying I should meet him and buy him a drink on Wednesday night. I reply telling him it should be the other way around, and he decides we can negotiate the particulars at a later time, so I tell him I’ll think about accepting his offer. I waited several hours before I texted to say I’d meet him at 7 for drinks. He promptly replied “7:05”. I figured that wasn’t worth arguing over, so I conceded to the ridiculous time. He then decided he wanted to go to some place way on the other side of town, but I won that battle. If he wants to meet at an absurd time, he can at least come to me.

Wednesday afternoon before the date, I was on the phone with a friend of mine and I was telling her a little about Mark and whatnot. She reminded me that, though I’m not a bossy person and I tend to be on the quieter side, I get along really well with those types of people, she being one of those people. It made me laugh, because it really is so very true.

I get to the restaurant/bar at 7:15, because traffic was awful and there was no where to park. I was anxious about this, because I hate being late. He was on time though, so he got points for that. He totally called me out for being late. Oh well. He’ll live.

I walk in and he’s waiting for me at one of the high-top tables in the bar section, and he’s already ordered a beer. Guess he’d been waiting a while. Oops. So we flagged down a waitress and I ordered a beer and we started talking. Everything was so normal. He’s in the movie industry and is really into it, but he does not like television. Apparently, they are very different. He also scuba dives and does this cool dive night once a month and is training to be a volunteer diver at the aquarium with the sharks and stuff. He was encouraging me to go get my scuba certification. I’ve only been scuba diving once, and it was a lot of fun, but we’ll have to see how this goes before I run out and get scuba certified.

I also divulged to him my childhood fear of The Wizard of Oz, and how I haven’t been able to watch it since I saw it when I was very young. With the new prequel, or whatever it is, coming out soon, I’ve been thinking about trying to watch the movie, and he’s decided that this has to happen. I’m willing to give the movie another chance.

He also told me that I remind him of the main character from Girls; that I look like her and act like her. I’m not really sure whether this is a compliment or not? I don’t watch that show… Thoughts?

So then I made him order cheese fries, and they were delicious. And then he told me about how he has a brother that’s a motorcycle cowboy Christian, whatever that is, and how he goes on these long rides all over the country and is covered in tattoos of Jesus. Sounds interesting. Afterward, he grabbed my fork and did this cool thing where he heated the metal and twisted and bent it all these different ways in the air. Maybe you had to be there. But then I stole the fork, because he pretty much ruined it, and I didn’t want the waitress to find it like that.

After, he walked me to my car and we hugged good night. I think I’ll definitely see him again…


“Promise you’re not a serial killer… I’m not afraid to tase you”

So, I followed Nina’s lead and joined an online dating site, mostly because I had too many glasses of wine one night, but that’s beside the point. After spending almost 2 hours figuratively laughing my ass off at these ridiculous guys, like the one who sent me a message saying that he loved me, I was beginning to lose hope. The next day, I got a message from this seemingly cute guy saying that he graduated from college with a Masters, has a job, and doesn’t live with his mom. I’m all about someone who is straightforward, and I thought he was pretty funny and seemed normal, so we chatted for a bit. He asked if he could add me on Facebook so he wouldn’t feel like a creeper logging into the dating site multiple times a day just to talk to me. So reluctantly, I let him. After a few hours of Facebook stalking, I decided he seemed really normal and actually, really cute. We continued to talk on Facebook, and I soon realized that we both have the same sarcastic sense of humor, so I agreed to meet him for drinks (only after I made him promise he wasn’t a serial killer). So the night came and surprisingly I wasn’t nervous, which was perhaps because I drank 3 glasses of wine before I left. We had exchanged numbers that day just to make sure neither of us backed out I guess and were supposed to be meeting at 8. I’m the type of person that always likes to be a little late, especially in this situation, so I left around 7:50. Plus, being the jokester that I am, I kind of wanted him to think that I was maybe standing him up. Which is really funny to me, but I’m not sure why. So I texted him when I was parking, and he greeted me at the door. I let out a sigh of relief, because he wasn’t some creepy 50 year old man. He then tells me he was so worried that he was going to get “catfished”, which according to urban dictionary means “Having a fake facebook profile, images and avatar in order to lure people to have romantic feelings. They are then catfished when the victim realises the person they have fallen for via facebook is not who they APPEAR to be”. Although neither of us have known each other long enough to have romantic feelings, it’s still pretty funny. He buys me a beer, we grab a table and continue chatting. For some unknown reason, this was not your typical first date filled with those awkward first date questions. The conversation was natural and unforced, and we made each other laugh quite a bit. I also felt the need to tell him that I was worried he would murder me, (partially because Nina has instilled this fear in me), and I was not afraid to pull out my taser if need be. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and pulled the whole “oh give me a kiss on the cheek but then I turn my head and you’re tricked into kissing my mouth” thing. (Does this count as rule breaking? Since technically we’re not supposed to kiss until the third date and all…) but it was just a peck so I think not. Anyway, we’re still talking and have plans to hangout again, although I’ll have to find someone to go out with in between. Yay for normalcy!


“My hair smells like fried chicken when it’s dirty.”

Good morning, everyone. Please bear with me as I mentally try to sort through last night. I’ll start from the beginning. As you all probably could assume, I was apprehensive about the evening. I’m not really keen on blind dates, and this particular one was at a really awkward time. I mean, what normal person drinks coffee at 7:30 at night? Anyway, I get to Starbucks at 7:15, because I just can’t help being early, and I really don’t like when people are late. If you couldn’t guess where this was going, he was late. So he strolls in at 7:35, comes up to the table where I’m sitting and reading, and gives me this awkward half-pat, hug thing. Let me go ahead and make something very clear- I’m not a touchy-feely person, and unless I invite you to touch me, I don’t want to be touched. I like to play by Kindergarten rules: keep your hands to yourself. This guy was a TOUCHER! He kept finding reasons to touch me, every chance he could. Right away, he touched my hair and commented on how pretty and silky it was, and made a joke asking what products I used and whether or not I dyed it. He then proceeded to keep grabbing my hand, jokingly commenting on how pretty my nails were. Also, he NEVER stopped talking, ever. I could barely get a word in, edgewise. It took me a good thirty minutes to be able to get up and get a glass of water without being outright rude and interrupting the middle of his sentence. I had to wait until he was looking for a picture he wanted to show me on his phone, and then I just abruptly stood up and was like, “I’m going to get a glass of water. I’ll be right back”. I’m not even convinced he was breathing throughout this monologue. Every now and then he would ask me a question, but then he’d think of something he needed to say and start talking again before I could complete a thought. At one point, he decided to tell me that when his hair is dirty, it smells like fried chicken. Not only is that one of the grossest things I’ve ever heard, but I’m really just confused as to why a person would ever let their hair get that dirty as to smell like fried meat, and as to how one comes about the decision that it does, in fact, smell of said fried meat. I mean, really? Wash your hair! He even had the audacity to ask me if my hair smelled like some form of fried meat when dirty! I wouldn’t know. My hair doesn’t get dirty enough to smell, at least not that I’ve noticed. He also told me of his affinity for rodents as a child, which was endearing to a certain degree, but they all seemed to die at the hands of doors, larger animals, or “new homes”. How very unfortunate to be a small pet in his house growing up.

So a Barista announces that Starbucks is closing in 10 minutes. YAY! Then Marie calls. Lovely. “Hey, come meet me at the bar down the street! Do it now!” There was really no question in it, and there’s really no arguing with her. I asked if he’d be interested in going to meet up with her, and he was onboard. So Starbucks closed, and we’re on our way to meet up with Marie, who, come to find out, hasn’t left her house yet! We get to the bar, and it’s very crowded, far more than usual. We decided to stay anyway, though large crowds and my introverted personality don’t mesh very well. Mr. Touchy-Feely and I pushed our way through the crowd up to the bar and ordered drinks while we waited for Marie to arrive. After we got our drinks, we found a couch and he started talking again. Eventually, he let me talk a little bit, and I took the opportunity to make things a little uncomfortable, only for a minute though. So for those of you that don’t know, I don’t want to have children naturally. I only want to adopt, but that story’s for another time, on another blog. I asked him what he thought about that, and like a closed-minded, egotistical jackass, he proceeds to tell me that he doesn’t think he could love a child that he didn’t create. I mean, are you kidding me?! Who says that! Anyway, I changed the subject to sports after that and let him talk some more. Finally Marie showed up and some other friends of ours were there, so that was good.

He talked to Marie and she seemed to like him enough. She mentioned that he was cute and that she thought he was nice, which he was, though I really do think he is full of himself and talks too much. He really wasn’t all bad, although I’m sure that’s how it seems. He opened doors, and when we were sitting outside at the bar, he was worried that I was cold, which I was, but I kept telling him I was fine because there was nothing he could do. Finally the night was wrapping up. He walked me to my car and gave me another awkward half-hug, and I got to go home to my bed! But hey, at least he wasn’t a serial killer.